My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
