sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
