i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
