I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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