if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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