Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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