ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
