I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
