dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
