How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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