I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
