I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
