yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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