I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
