it was like his penis was on wheels.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
