Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
