Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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