i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
