I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
