Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
