dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
