I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
