thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
