it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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