he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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