Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
