Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
