I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
