just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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