On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
