When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
