the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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