My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
