Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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