Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
