My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
