My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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