i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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