My nipple is on Facebook.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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