You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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