We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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