I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
