I love black thongs
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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