the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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