bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
