last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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