I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
