okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
