Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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