Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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