Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
