actually, I'm a sock model
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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