I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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