hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
