I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
