the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
