Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
