I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
