There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
