hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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