Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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