What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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