I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
