I accidentally burped into my bong.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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