How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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