I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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