nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
