so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let's get the cat blown out
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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