how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
