it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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